With some friends at uni and we were talking about getting jobs when we've finished our degrees and my girlfriend commented how it would be interesting to work for MFI. Obviously slightly confused everyone asked why it would be interesting and she told them that she thought spying and stuff just would be.

That would be MI5 then and not MFI the furniture store.

Reading the Daily Mail this morning there was a snippet about Eva Longoria opening Harrods for the sales.
After a radio interview she was chatting to the reporter about how she was carrying on to Paris for New Year and she was going on the Channel Tunnel. She then asked if you could see the water when on the train.

As some people were about to go to the chippy a friend asked for fish and chips and was asked if she'd like a big fish or a little fish. “What's the difference?” she replied. Erm well the big fish is big


A friend of mine was taking his elderly mother to the airport, she looked out of the window at the incoming plane and said “Wow don't they come in low when they are landing!”
Yes, right down to the ground in fact.

We were listening to The Beach Boys Barabra Ann and I mentioned how it was good when they were singing acapella, my girlfriend look confused and said “I don’t know the words to that one, is it by them?”

Listening to Radio One this was on:
A vet gave a woman some cream for her cat as it was ill and needed some antibiotics. As he was out of his usual labelled stock he gave her one that was also used for cows as it's cheaper, it therefore has instructions for use on cows written on the tube.
After a week of using the cream she brought the cat back and the vet said the cat is fine and you can stop using the cream now.
“Great” she said “I can have a good cup of tea again”.
“What do mean?” asked the vet.
“Well I like milk in my tea and on the tube for the cream it says after use throw out all milk for the next 48 hours.”

Jamie: “Have you ever seen…”
Everyone else: “Have we ever seen what?”
Jamie: “Doesn’t matter cos I’ve just realised and you’ll think i’m stupid”
Me: “No, tell us”
Jamie: “Well i was gonna ask how do you know which one is Bodger and which is Badger but then I realised one of them's a badger”

This was after she’d asked us what type of animal is tigger supposed to be.

Whilst at a festival several years back I packed some small gas burners for cooking. One of the bottles somehow sprung a leak, after which Dave screamed “NO ONE LIGHT A MATCH!” Yes Dave, I’m sure a tiny 99p bottle of gas was going to fill the entire festival campsite with explosive gas. Cheers Dave, you saved our bacon there, I owe you one.

I went to a college at a Catholic school and we were told we were going to have a presentation about a pilgrimage to Lourdes in France to try and convince people to go.
My girlfriend at the time asked why they were making so much fuss about going to watch cricket.

At Uni after giving everyone their food Melissa offered the cutlery option of “a knife and fork or a fork and knife” Apparently she meant to offer a spoon.