“So that’s two beef burgers. One’s a chicken burger and one’s a beef burger.”
(At my local Wetherspoons)

“Food has been a part of you life, well since childhood.”
James Martin talking to Nadia Sawalha on Saturday Kitchen.

Woman walks into the chip shop and asks for fish and chips.
Assistant : “Cod or Haddock?”
Woman : “Which one’s fishier?”

As some people were about to go to the chippy a friend asked for fish and chips and was asked if she'd like a big fish or a little fish. “What's the difference?” she replied. Erm well the big fish is big


At Uni after giving everyone their food Melissa offered the cutlery option of “a knife and fork or a fork and knife” Apparently she meant to offer a spoon.

In the pub a friend of mine couldn’t find anything on the menu to eat. Her mum pointed out the chicken which she might like, her reply was “But it's only a half roast chicken I want mine fully cooked.”