Organising a Sunday afternoon with my girlfriend.
-“You’d like to watch the football at some point.”
-“How about quarter to four when it kicks off?”

“I was shocked when the FA came knocking on my door bell.” – Michael Owen
(I’m not sure if it’s Michael Owen getting confused or somebody from the FA struggling with how to use a doorbell who’s having trouble here?)

My boyfriend does a lot of impersonations, the other day after he had done one I said “Stop doing your impersonations, you sound like a different person”

It is very nosey listening to conversations on the train but it can also be very interesting, take this little conversation on a train to London shortly after Cheryl Cole had performed on X-Factor.
“I didn’t think Cheryl Cole was that good on X-Factor, a lot of the contestants are better than her.”
“I know, she’s not good enough to judge that competition, she’d never with anything like that.”

That’s Cheryl Cole a winner on the 2002 series of Popstars: The Rivals.

“What’s Willy short for… Is it Richard?”
“Erm no. It’s short for William!”

When at Phil’s house watching the cricket I asked “what do you think the difference between facing an 80 mph ball and a 70 mph ball would be?”
I probably asked for the answer “about 10 miles per hour”

Greg’s friend – “I’m thinking of coming off the pill and using a different kind of contraception.”
Greg – “What like tampons?”

(All names have been left the same to ensure embarrassment)

A classic clip for a Friday? Well why not.

I first saw this either on Probably Bad News or Fail blog.

Manager Billy Davies following Nottingham Forest’s emphatic win at West Brom – “Friday’s game has gone and come Saturday it was all about starting with a blank sheet of football and starting to prepare for a difficult cup tie.”

(From langboyred on BBC sport quotes of the week)

Amongst a group of friends there had been a spate of people getting pulled over by the police. The latest victim was telling us about it and then asked if he was the only one.
Rohan : “Has anyone else got a speeding ticket?”
Matt : “Yep Graham’s got one”
Rohan : “What for?”
Matt : “Erm…… speeding”