“I wonder if that 24 hour Asda is open?”
“Wow” I said

My girlfriend many years ago was walking past a Jaguar car garage asked if the silver cat on the roof was a panther. A quick nod to the big letters underneath that spelt Jaguar soon set her straight.

Then a few weeks ago at Chester Zoo we went into the Jaguar enclosure talking about this panther/jaguar confusion story. As we walked into the Jaguar house which has a big jaguar car sponsorship logo on the outside, my girlfriend turns and says “So what are we looking at in here then?”

A bloke was talking to his in-laws about some sculptures at Crosby beach in Liverpool.
“They’re by Anthony Gormley the bloke who did the angel of the north”.
“The angel of the north” said his mother in law “We’ve been passed that haven’t we?” She asked gesturing to her husband.
“Have we? When” he replied.
“You know” she said “when we were in that place down south”

“Why is it always colder at night?”
Er…nothing to do with that big, hot yellow thing in the sky that disappears at night?

My girlfriend's parents went to watch the recent King Kong film at the cinema.
For part of the film there are dinosaurs in it, my girlfriend's mum watching the film said “Look at all those dinosaurs, that’s a but unrealistic!”. Yes in a film about a 30 foot Gorilla it's the dinosaurs that are unrealistic.

My girlfriend was talking to a friend about mermaids. Just to clarify the facts her friend asked if mermaids were mythical like eskimos.

With some friends at uni and we were talking about getting jobs when we've finished our degrees and my girlfriend commented how it would be interesting to work for MFI. Obviously slightly confused everyone asked why it would be interesting and she told them that she thought spying and stuff just would be.

That would be MI5 then and not MFI the furniture store.

Reading the Daily Mail this morning there was a snippet about Eva Longoria opening Harrods for the sales.
After a radio interview she was chatting to the reporter about how she was carrying on to Paris for New Year and she was going on the Channel Tunnel. She then asked if you could see the water when on the train.

As some people were about to go to the chippy a friend asked for fish and chips and was asked if she'd like a big fish or a little fish. “What's the difference?” she replied. Erm well the big fish is big


A friend of mine was taking his elderly mother to the airport, she looked out of the window at the incoming plane and said “Wow don't they come in low when they are landing!”
Yes, right down to the ground in fact.