“Claire Taylor) is the first female woman to be one of Wisden’s Cricketers of the Year.”
From the Daily Telegraph website (via BBC Sports Quotes of the week)

Sky sports Soccer Saturday exchange
Jeff Stelling: “And Matt, Joe Hart’s invincible today”
Matthew Le Tissier: “No he's not, Jeff – I can see him from here!”

(via BBC Sports Quotes of the week)

Good old celebrity big brother –
Dane Bowers to Vinnie Jones: “Have you seen a film called The Condemned?”
Vinnie Jones: “I was in it.”

Woman walks into the chip shop and asks for fish and chips.
Assistant : “Cod or Haddock?”
Woman : “Which one’s fishier?”

On an email from Radio One
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“I wonder if that 24 hour Asda is open?”
“Wow” I said

My girlfriend many years ago was walking past a Jaguar car garage asked if the silver cat on the roof was a panther. A quick nod to the big letters underneath that spelt Jaguar soon set her straight.

Then a few weeks ago at Chester Zoo we went into the Jaguar enclosure talking about this panther/jaguar confusion story. As we walked into the Jaguar house which has a big jaguar car sponsorship logo on the outside, my girlfriend turns and says “So what are we looking at in here then?”

A bloke was talking to his in-laws about some sculptures at Crosby beach in Liverpool.
“They’re by Anthony Gormley the bloke who did the angel of the north”.
“The angel of the north” said his mother in law “We’ve been passed that haven’t we?” She asked gesturing to her husband.
“Have we? When” he replied.
“You know” she said “when we were in that place down south”

“Why is it always colder at night?”
Er…nothing to do with that big, hot yellow thing in the sky that disappears at night?

My girlfriend's parents went to watch the recent King Kong film at the cinema.
For part of the film there are dinosaurs in it, my girlfriend's mum watching the film said “Look at all those dinosaurs, that’s a but unrealistic!”. Yes in a film about a 30 foot Gorilla it's the dinosaurs that are unrealistic.