We were listening to The Beach Boys Barabra Ann and I mentioned how it was good when they were singing acapella, my girlfriend look confused and said “I don’t know the words to that one, is it by them?”

Listening to Radio One this was on:
A vet gave a woman some cream for her cat as it was ill and needed some antibiotics. As he was out of his usual labelled stock he gave her one that was also used for cows as it's cheaper, it therefore has instructions for use on cows written on the tube.
After a week of using the cream she brought the cat back and the vet said the cat is fine and you can stop using the cream now.
“Great” she said “I can have a good cup of tea again”.
“What do mean?” asked the vet.
“Well I like milk in my tea and on the tube for the cream it says after use throw out all milk for the next 48 hours.”

Jamie: “Have you ever seen…”
Everyone else: “Have we ever seen what?”
Jamie: “Doesn’t matter cos I’ve just realised and you’ll think i’m stupid”
Me: “No, tell us”
Jamie: “Well i was gonna ask how do you know which one is Bodger and which is Badger but then I realised one of them's a badger”

This was after she’d asked us what type of animal is tigger supposed to be.

Whilst at a festival several years back I packed some small gas burners for cooking. One of the bottles somehow sprung a leak, after which Dave screamed “NO ONE LIGHT A MATCH!” Yes Dave, I’m sure a tiny 99p bottle of gas was going to fill the entire festival campsite with explosive gas. Cheers Dave, you saved our bacon there, I owe you one.

I went to a college at a Catholic school and we were told we were going to have a presentation about a pilgrimage to Lourdes in France to try and convince people to go.
My girlfriend at the time asked why they were making so much fuss about going to watch cricket.

At Uni after giving everyone their food Melissa offered the cutlery option of “a knife and fork or a fork and knife” Apparently she meant to offer a spoon.

When driving to the cinema with a group of friends, I took a wrong turn making the journey about 2 minutes longer than normal. When we arrived Dave suggested that we should have gone the normal route as we would have arrived 5 minutes earlier.
So the normal route would have took us 3 minutes back in time would it Dave?

Watching Neighbours we were discussing Australian summer happening when it was winter here. A friend was quite surprised and then asked if Australians celebrate christmas 6 months after we do in England

Discusing Irish politics:
So Sinn Fein is Gerry Adam’s best friend then?

Talking with my girlfriend about the north pole I mentioned that how there was the magnetic north pole and a geographical north pole and that the magnetic north pole was where the magnetic fields converged and you could get there by following your compass. She was suprised as she though compasses worked “using the wind or something”.