1. March 8th, 2012

    No fuel problems here

    A few blokes at work were discussing the rising prices of fuel when one guy chipped in “Well none of this price rising will effect me”. When the other guys asked why he replied “I only ever put a tenner of petrol in”. After realising he was serious they struggled to get him to understand the problem.


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  2. November 20th, 2011

    Parental confusion

    My sister was talking to her new boyfriend and finding out about his family.
    Boyfriend “My parents are called Chris and Martin”
    Reply “Hang on, which one’s your mum?”


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  3. June 14th, 2011

    Pun intended

    As is common for a wedding our list of presents consisted of some household items, one of which was a large bin. Some friends got this amongst other things and wrote a card in which one of the friends said to write “No apologies for the rubbish present” The person writing the card put “No apologies for the s**t present.”


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  4. June 3rd, 2011

    Cause and effect

    Whilst out with a friend in the rain she commented to me “Isn’t it strange? It always rains when I wear my rain coat.”


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  5. April 19th, 2011

    Royal Confusion

    Whilst watching a program about the history of royal weddings they were talking about the wedding of Princess Elizabeth who went on to become the Queen. My sister in law walked in and said “Wow, Princess Elizabeth? Doesn’t she look a lot like the Queen.”


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  6. November 10th, 2010

    Eye See

    A friend on twitter was due to attend an eye test at Specsavers and tweeted that they requested the contact lenses in at least 4 hours before and given that his appointment was 9:15am that meant getting up at 5.
    I replied to say surely he could take the lenses into Specsavers the night before, however it turns out they meant you are to be wearing your lenses from 4 hours before.
    Makes much more sense.


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  7. September 27th, 2010

    Extra terrestrial lighting

    I was told recently about two colleagues doing a bit of star gazing. One of them pointed out Mars as you could see it brightly lit in the sky to which the other one replied “Oh, do they have lights on Mars then?”


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  8. September 24th, 2010

    Asking the obvious

    Ordering in Subway I asked for a footlong steak and cheese. The guy at the counter drops the steak onto the sub and looks and me and asks “Do you want cheese with that?”


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  9. August 23rd, 2010

    Shooting wide

    A friend was laughing at his girlfriend who thought clay pigeons were real birds and then when he explained clay pigeon shooting was just clay discs she asked why people would want to fire clay discs at pigeons.


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  10. July 20th, 2010

    If God had a name

    Recently I heard these two misinterpretations that friends of mine have said in church as kids. The first is “Thanks, Peter God” instead of “Thanks be to God” and “Harold be they name” instead of “Hallowed be thy name”


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